Once upon a time there lived a colony of mice. This colony of mice was plagued with an evil cat named Alice. Alice prowled past their home day and night. Although Alice was mostly a house cat and had no claws, her teeth were more than enough to take the lives of many unsuspecting mice. Alice had slain many of their brother and sister mice that dared venture out beyond their home in search for food.
After great frustration the mouse elders called together a meeting to find a solution to this cat problem. The mice needed to escape from the wrath of Alice or at least figure out when she has awoken from her many cat naps. One mouse had suggested a great battle, perhaps together they could travel to the beast's lair and defeat the mighty cat. While admirable, this plan got shot down rather quickly by the overwhelming majority of timid mice. When there seemed to be no possible answer, one young tech friendly mouse named Jimmy Neutron suggested a simple GPS tracking device should be attached to Alice’s collar so they can track her every move. “What a great idea the elders exclaimed!”
After much excitement the oldest of the elders, grandfather mouse, did agree that Jimmy’s plan was by far the best they could conceive. However he found two not so minor problems. The first being where to acquire this tracking device. Jimmy quickly replied that he saw that they were on sale in the Best Buy Mouse Edition in last week's paper. With this excellent solution to the first problem grandfather mouse had just one more question to ask. “Who is brave enough to plant the GPS tracking device upon the beast's collar?” Not a single peep came from any of the mice attending the meeting. For they had seen what Alice could do to any mouse that dare cross her path. And no one was brave enough to venture out alone and risk their life for the sake of the colony. It is great to dream, but action takes true courage.
Alice the cat
Author's Note. I created this story from the fable "Belling the Cat". In this story there are a group of mice that have a problem with a cat. They are trying to figure out when the cat comes and goes so they devise a plan to place a bell upon the cat. None of the mice would volunteer for the task though. I really liked the moral of the story so I wanted to keep it the same, but alter some of the details such as changing the bell to a tracking device. I added my cat to the story as well.
Story: "Belling the Cat"
Book: Aesop for Children
Author: Aesop
Year published: 1919
Web Source: Gutenber.org
Book: Indian Fairy Tales
Author: Joseph Jacobs
Year Published: 1890
Web Source: Sacred Texts Archive
I have never heard the fable "Belling the Cat," but I loved the way that you included current things into the older fable, such as the inclusion of Best Buy Mouse Addition, Jimmy Neutron, and a tracking device. I thought the story was great--creative, short and concise, but also very interesting. I like the fable and the moral behind the story too, that action takes true courage. I also liked that you included your cat Alice as part of the story. Overall, I really enjoyed the way you wrote this story and the details you included. Great job!
ReplyDeleteScott,
ReplyDeleteThis was such a cute story about mice and a mean cat named Alice. It’s really funny to think about what animals might think at times. The idea that of putting a GPS device was great as well. It would have been ever been if the little mice had mustered up the courage to put it on Alice’s neck without getting eaten! Cute story!
I am a comma freak :) so sometimes reading your stories I find different places that could use a comma. I always try to read out loud, and then think about where I naturally pause. I hope that helps. I love your creativity of the story. The way you express Alice makes her seem like a lion! Also, it was cute how you included a modern character name for the smart mouse. One thing that I think will be really for this class is to review how to use quotations in writing. I struggle with the correct use of quotations as well, so maybe we can help each other with it this semester. I like how you used paragraphs to make the story not seem so intimidating. However, I love transition words, and you should try to use some at the beginning of paragraphs. You will be surprised how much better it makes the story sound!
ReplyDeleteWhat a darling story :) About as realistic as a fable gets! I think you personified Alice and the mice very well; natural 'enemies' in an unnatural habitat. Mentioning Alice's many 'cat naps' was very clever--I'm surprised this isn't referred to more often in literature involving cats.
ReplyDeleteI will admit I was a bit disappointed with the anticlimactic ending. While the moral makes sense, I had hoped that the mice would outsmart the cat somehow. But conventional endings do get old, don't they? It is good for children in particular to see that great changes aren't made when no one is willing to harness the courage it takes to be a leader. If we live in fear, we will always live that way. If we step up in the face of fear, perhaps we can change our 'endings' into new beginnings.
Any fable that can get my philosophical thoughts rolling has got to be good ;) Yet again, I enjoyed your story! Now I've read all three that you've written so far, haha.